Feeling your feelings

Ok everyone i know its been along long time since i have written a blog i am sorry about that but lets face it facebook is easier but i cant write in such detail there.  So alittle about my life this far for those that are new or forgot since its been so long lol. I am now 34 single mom of 4 not by choice which we will talk about in a minute who has been on one hell of a weight loss journey. I have lost 195lbs in 18 months both threw diet and exercise and gastric bypass. And boy has it been quiet a journey. I am currently working the last 30lbs off and trying to get skin removal surgery.  So something i wanted to talk to you about today is not turning to food when life gets hard.  For most of us learning how to not do this is very difficult. I started with a few things like talking to myself about why im hungry. I say a few things like how long has it been since you ate? would plan broccoli fill you up? how about chicken? If its been less then 3 hours or the answer to the next two questions isn't no then i know it isn't real hunger. Then you have to deal with the feelings of life without the food. So currently i am battling loneliness, trying to find out where i go next in life,parenting alone, dealing with a child with special needs and requires way more patience's then god gave me and learning how to even begin to date. all of these things make me want to turn towards food. I will tell you tho now that i don't generally eat white carbs, or sweets the craving to turn towards food has lessened. So what do i do i have little pity parties for myself, message my best friend so she can comfort me and then smack me back to reality, and i troll the net for interesting things to read or see.  If you google this you will find lists of ideas of what to do instead of eat something i have done in the past is get absorbed into pinterest and allowed myself to dream about what i want my life to look like. So i want to know what you think you can do to turn away from food and into yourself and learn what your made of besides the weight you desperately want to lose.


Also i have started a go fund me page to help with the skin removal process, i will be journaling threw blog and videos that journey once i get there.

http://www.gofundme.com/ppzys4

My fan page on facebook that i update almost daily i hope to see you there

https://www.facebook.com/myjourneytolosing250pounds

Also if you would like to email me that is

gandlmccarty@aol.com

Not Good Enough

Ok i am writing this so that if anyone else is feeling this way they know they aren't alone and if i look crazy well then so be it.   How many of us feel like we aren't good enough? Well i am having a day like that. I feel like im just as fat as i was, that no one who doesn't know me all they see is a fat person not that i am on this great journey with a happy ending. Then I ask why do I care what people i don't know think of me? Why can't i ever think they are thinking I look nice? Or her life looks so good? Why do i always assume people think the worst of me? I have always felt like the last kid getting picked for dodge ball even if I wasn't. 

Now what started all this glum stuff, is i was trying to find clothes to wear to a birthday party and none of my clothes fit me right and not cause they are to big.  I have yet to need to buy new clothes, how can a person lose more then 100 pounds and not need new clothes i am still shopping out of my own closet, this is driving me crazy.

 Then there are the people who want to say surgery is the easy way out. There is nothing easy about surgery, it might be a little quicker way to lose the weight but its far from the easy way out. Lets start with the fact you have your insides rerouted then you have to heal. Next you totally have to relearn your body and how if functions and you may never get it quiet right. Then you can't turn to your use to be best friend ever again. There is a huge emotional component to this thing then just dieting would. O and your stomach isn't the only thing thats different. 

 So i guess what i am saying is right now i am not feeling good enough, I have days like that and have to talk to myself a lot and remind myself of course i am if i wasn't i wouldn't have started this journey to begin with.

Well happy life changing every one. 

 

Deals and other stuff

Sorry so long since i posted a blog but since most of my blog readers are also on my fb page most of you probably haven't missed a thing.

So i wanted to share a few deals i found recently.

Now for anyone who has had weight loss surgery or drink protein shakes on a regular basis this is one hell of a deal. A buck for these great tasting protein packed drink you can't beat that when i found this deal i got 22 of them and i would have gotten more but my toddler was done lol. O i found these at big lots i probably should tell you that.

Now these little gems i got at sharp shopper. they were a buck, Have i told you all how much i love sharp shopper.  So you add a protein to this and you have a great meal. I put three pieces of turkey bacon in mine. So if i eat the whole box which i probably can't in one setting but def in two. I will have 275 calories and 14 calories not to bad.

I couldn't remember if i told you guys about these or not but they are another great find from big lots. A dollar a bag, 130 calories a serving and 10 g of protein what a great little snack, now some of you will look at that serving size and be like o no, well trust me a 1/4 of a cup is plenty enough to get your snack fix.

Now as for me and my weight loss currently i am up to 99 lbs down all together i am praying soon it will be 100 and i can then share the pictures with you all.  I hope you are all doing well in your journeys and finding the path that is right for you.

Happy life changing everyone until i type again bye 

Free

So i am not sure what happened between yesterday and today but i feel free. Free to be myself, free to lose weight at whatever pace i lose it, Free to go to the gym and look a fool if i want to, Free to look in a full length mirror and be proud of the work i have done, Free to appreciate what i have and what i am working so hard to accomplish, And free to make a mistake and over come it.   Yes i am that girl you will see driving down the road singing at the top of her lungs and dancing with my babies in the car, yes i am the girl at the gym who works out to her music i walk and run and bike and dance while i do it sometimes, Yes i have finally become that girl who truly loves herself even at over 300lbs because i am worth it. I am worth all of my own love and all of my own affection. I am worth all the effort i am putting in to lose the weight to better myself and become the me i in-vision i am. I am also free and worth telling the devil to back the fuck off. Sorry for my language but im pretty sure thats why i am feeling so good today. I made a deceleration in my own life yesterday that my faith is stronger then the devil and he needs to get the hell away from me.
  So from now on i will show myself love, I will see my body for the greatness it is, My body made four beautiful children, it has nursed them and lifted them and loved them and now its time for me to love it. I also for the first time this morning wasn't ashamed when i looked in those huge mirrors at the gym and saw myself for what i really am. I see a woman who is strong, fierce, sassy, lovely, caring, loving, friendly,beautiful, pretty, God fearing, hard working, dedicated, motherly, and well rounded. So yes i may not walking into that gym and be the smallest, or the fastest, or the prettiest, but I will walk in there with my head held high i know what i am doing i know what im going after and i know I WILL DO IT!

So these are the flowers i bought myself today, cause i no longer need anyone else to affirm love for me, I can love myself and its ok to show myself appriecation. 

This was me at the gym getting off the elliptical if i had known my face would change three more shades before i started to cool down i would have taken that picture but i worked my ass off this morning even if it wasn't that long it is def a start.

This is my pounds that i already kicked to the curb jar, as of today i am down a total of 87lbs and 31 of those are from since i had surgery jan 27th 2014. 

And this is the seal the deal picture, are you willing to kick your own ass, and this could mean something as simple as walking across the house an extra time a day and working your way up but everyone has to start somewhere. 

So God bless you all hope your doing well in your life changes how ever you are going about them. 

Happy life changing everyone.

A day in my food.

So alot of people want to know what i am eating since surgery so i am going to share with you what i had yesterday.


Breakfast

Now this doesn't have as many protiens in it as what i usually have but this was gotten on the run, so its great that there are options out there if you forget or get stuck out and need something in a pinch.

Lunch and snack so i had this twice yesterday

Now i didn't eat the whole thing of hummus i dipped my cheese stick in it and ate it that way. Also may i add i paid a whole 1.19 for that hummus at sharp shopper love it.

Dinner

Now if you can't tell what that is, its a dippy egg on some avacados yummy.

evening snack

I know you can't tell what that is lol its about 1 1/2 table spoons of peanut butter and 1/2 a tablespoon of jam. which i ended up eating about 3/4 of it but this gives me that peanut butter and jelly sandwhich feel without the bread its great for me. and if i can remember to get pb2 the next time i go to the store it would cut the calories for this by 140 so i need to remember to get that although right now calories aren't an issue.

I also had all my water intake for the day so yesterday was a great day.

Thats all for now i hope you all are doing great with your life changes and as always feel free to comment, ask questions and share with your friends. 

Happy life changing everyone.

Scary

So in the interest of being totally honest with my readers i feel i need to tell you about this little thing that has happened.  So i developed a thing called a seroma. Which they do warn you about in class however mine was nothing like i had imagined a seroma actually was.  Let me give you the definition of a seroma.

Medical Dictionary

seroma  se·ro·ma (sĭ-rō'mə) 
n. 
 A mass or swelling caused by the localized accumulation of serum within 
a tissue or organ.

So you would think there would be something swollen somewhere that
 might be sore and the 

fluid would be maybe clearish well this isn't what i got.  Where they took my
port out apparently 

a lot of old blood collected there causing a seroma. So the fluid from the
 seroma and the old blood

finally built up and had to come out. So sunday night after the snow and home
with no other adults it

starts flowing out and i freaked out. the volume of stuff alone coming out was
 scary however

with that said color of the stuff coming out makes a big difference. Now first let me
say if you ever 

have stuff coming out of you and you don't know what it is call your doctor,
don't just assume your

fine and it can wait cause it might not be able to. The color of the stuff coming out was
 very dark red

like dark enough i didn't know it was old blood at first. So i called my best friend
 who also happens to

be my doctors nurse. Who calmed me down reassured me I was fine told me
what was happening

and i started to calm down however. I couldn't sleep that night scared but
i did feel better once i saw

the doctors the next day. SO I just wanted to share so anyone that might have
 this happen to them

will not be as shocked and scared as i was.

I hope everyone is doing well with there life changes.

As always feel free to comment, ask questions, and share my blog

Happy life changing everyone.

surgery this far

OK those were the video blogs i posted on my fb community page https://www.facebook.com/myjourneytolosing250pounds the day of surgery and the following day. I wanted to talk to everyone about how im feeling now. So its all done and my emotions are a little all over the place. The reason i am blogging about this is because i was pretty sure i would have total control over the emotional part of it and i don't totally and that actually is pretty normal. They warn you about all of that ahead of time but there is a part of you that is totally, thats not gonna be me i got this. Then it happens and yes i have control of it but i am still feeling things im not sure i expected to feel. Now first of all i have almost no pain, im not sure how normal that is but for me no pain, i have discomfort at times and spots that are tender but no pain. I think for me that has actually messed with my head more cause i am not at all physically feeling the way i expected to. So for me im waiting for something to happen but praying it doesn't. I have also been able to get in all my vitamins and liquids in which i didn't expect either not so soon anyway. Right now i am feeling like an extreme text book perfect case and im praying it stays that way but know there could still be complications. Now for the emotional part I am feeling vulnerable which i think we all know fat people try to avoid thats why we get fat and stay that way. I am going with the flow and know this will pass and i can deal but i want you all to know how im feeling so if your going threw this too or going to go threw this you know its normal. 

Now for my consumption i am having 4 premade protein shakes a day and then however much water i can get in. I can not however have water first thing in the morning it doesn't go down well. O just to prewarn anyone it is normal to gain weight after surgery so if this happens to you don't freak out it goes away i promise i was up five pounds when i got home from surgery and the next day i was back to where i was the morning of surgery so don't freak out if this happens to you.

So thats about it for my life change this far. As always feel free to ask questions, share my page, or make comments.

Happy life changing everyone