reflection

So as it is the beginning of the year and im about to do a major life change i have been reflecting on my life over the last year and the couple more before that, when i realized that i am having my surgery the same week that two years ago my husband left me. So in reflecting on that, two years ago i thought my life was over and couldn't see how it could be better. and here i am two years later with much more personal growth then i probably had during the last five years of that marriage. During marriage especially in the beginning you grow alot your learning about another person and how to handle yourself as a pair not just one single person. You have children and that changes that relationship so in the beginning there is lots of personal growth but toward the end we both stopped grow together and grew apart. After my marriage ended at first i couldn't see anything but what had happened. Now two years out i have grown so much. I am emotionally independent again, love where my life is headed and where it sits right now. Excited at what the future holds which two years that just terrified me. I know now what i want in a relationship and what i deserve. Back then i don't really think i knew that i just knew i meant my vows and didn't want my marriage to end. So where i never wanted this to happen i do think i am better for it. I know i wouldn't be where i am right now if it hadnt happened. I wouldn't know that i deserve to get what i give relationship wise. I wouldn't have begun this weight loss journey or at least not in this way which would have changed the personal reflection on it and i might not have taken the journey so much to heart and it would have been a should do cause its what everyone else wanted kind of thing.  how ironic is it that two years ago my life would change forever and here i am again changing it forever but in a totally different way. That a surgery i tried desperately hard to have by the end of october isn't happening now till the two year anniversery of the death of my marriage. Maybe its a sign that i am doing what i should be and that i tried my best to hold that marriage together and i couldn't and maybe i couldn't for a reason when two people stop growing together and stop working together things have to change one way or another. I didn't walk away from that marriage but i know in my heart of hearts i did everything i could to keep it together. and maybe now its just a sign from God that its ok to move on, not to feel guilty for it ending and to rejoice in the growth process.  I am so excited for the next stage in my life even tho right now im having a hard time wrapping my head around it but i know that will happen soon. Everyone else seems excited for me also so im hoping that support keeps coming. I do really have a great  family and a great core group of friends.


I guess thats about it for now. hope you all are having a great beginning of the year
as always feel free to comment, ask questions, and share my blog

Happy life changing everyone